*This post is dedicated to Crystal and Luis Muñoz*
When the Holy Spirit asked me, "Who owns your visions?" my answer was so easily exclaimed, "You do!"
His next question, "Then why do you hold such tight fists around those dreams?"
My second answer contradicted the former, "Because I don't want them taken away from me?"
"I thought they were mine, in the first place? Mine to grow, develop, and change?"
"They are, Daddy. Or, at least, I want them to be."
"Now we're on to something."
Since that honest conversation, Jeshua and I have been prying my fingers apart. Some visions were easier to let go of than others, but all are equally dear to my heart. As the Lord has been developing this sense of "being" rather than "doing" in me, the intentions of visions and dreams has been altered.
My identity is not in what I do or what I am capable of. Ok. Great. That lesson I get. My identity will not be in what I accomplish. I thought I got that lesson, too; after all, it's the same as the previous lesson, right? Nope. Not for me.
In retrospect, I realize I've been arguing with God all along about the progression of these visions. I'd beg Him to release them and bring life into those visions and then I'd turn around and hide them under a rock so no harm could be done. The last months have been dedicated to really letting go of my visions. The Lord has visions for me and what I call "my visions" are certainly good things, and things I DO believe are of Him, from Him, and for Him. Those things are not just passing thoughts and ideas I've had. Letting go of these visions is not giving up on them. It's letting them grow and develop the way the Lord wants them to. It's being willing to let them appear as something perhaps entirely different from what I have imagined. That doesn't mean the vision is less there or that it has died. It means peeling off my limited perspective of binding expectations.
I was talking with a faithful friend about this topic early this morning. Clenching my fists together, I demonstrated how I offered my visions to the Lord as a sacrifice just some months ago.
"You can have my dreams, but you're gonna have to cut my hands off in order to get to them!"
I may be wincing from time to time, but now my hands are open more than not.
Now that I've so boldly written that, I'm sure I'll begin to understand how far I've yet to go...
