An Attitude of Gratitude

Thank YOU, my precious ones, for not getting too annoyed with me this past.... year.  You, my faithful readers, friends, supporters, and family, have aided the wind beneath my wings.  It has been all too long since I've provided a decent update for you, so let me see if I can do justice to the neglect.

As the summer began, I posted a calendar of what was to come.  And, those events have all come and gone... among many other things.  The summer has FLOWN by and will soon be tucked under a blanket of fall colors and autumnal winds until next June.  

The events of this summer have brought great amounts of growth and stretching.  My faith has been tested from one day to the next.  How so?  In simple, daily living.  Last year, the faith was tested in great obvious ways- visa, housing, school, relationships.  This summer, my [faith] has been further established in the small details of who Cree is.  Peace has become something that I will to experience and exhibit, rather than anticipate appearing.  Love has become my hiding place.  

It's been a summer of gifts.  Since my birthday in May, it's just been one sweet, honoring gift after another.  Some examples include a new passion, restored vision, encouragement when least expected, financial blessings, new songs, ministry partners, and a new sense of easiness.  I got a good coffee date with Daddy Steve in the middle of June.  Hallelujah for that coffee date.  He and I talked through so many things going on around us and how to move forward.  It was refreshing to talk to an American dad face-to-face and get some sound fatherly input.  While I have great elders here, there are so many little cultural things that really make a big difference when seeking advice.  It was then that I was most at odds about whether or not to stay another year... and HOW to stay another year.  Steve is obviously partial to young people moving to Austria, but he provided such an objective perspective about all the details (staying or leaving).  Exactly three days later, I finally made my heart and mind decision to STAY, as a student.

It has been a summer of fun.  Once work and school ended for the year, I was able to breathe a little and jump fully into the ministry.  A team from America (PA) came over at the end of June/beginning of July to help with our summer camp and many to stay for 3 months.  I have to admit, when they first arrived, it was too much for me.  At that first camp meeting with everyone, I thought I would explode.  SO MUCH AMERICAN CULTURE AND AMERICAN ENGLISH IN ONE ROOM!  I feel I can say this without offending any of them (you)- I didn't want anything to do with them (you), at first.  I was FINALLY confident in being here and then they (you) come and screw it all up!  When I arrived at the Brauhaus, I was polite and reluctantly introduced myself, but it wasn't until the end of the night that I really decided I was genuinely happy to have them (you) there.  Sorry, to all of you!  Then, the fun really began.  These guys fall into the category of gifts and fun from this summer.  I realized how much I missed little things about the American culture and language.  Even more, though, this is a great group of solid people.  Friendships grew from within this group that I wasn't expecting- thanks for seeing past my stubbornness! 

Some fun events from the last month: lots of ice cream, Kirsch's visit, hiking in Eisenerz, swimming, a weekend in Wolfsberg, Smor-ba-que with house group and the J-team (practically the A-team, but cooler).  Now that the PA team has begun to leave, I'm sad to see them go.  My heart is thrilled to know many will come back for long term, but the others- I look forward to seeing you again eventually... even if it means a trip to Harrisburg the next time I'm State-bound!! 

It's been a summer of productivity.  I won't write too many details here, because it is boring.  But, many tasks have been completed for Blast, other ministries, and for me personally.  I am applying NOW for my visa extension.  It seems the little details are coming together and I will be able to submit my application the week of the 14th!!  I'll keep you posted.  This year here will be different from the last year and soon, I will be writing a more specific letter about what that entails.  A sneak peak- I won't be working regularly this year, as I did last year.  This will allow increased freedom in my schedule to do more of what I am actually here to do in ministry, but requires a greater faith and support in finances.  We'll talk about that at another time, though.

I've missed all of you and I've missed blogging.  In the next few weeks, routine will re-enter my life.  I am hoping, that at that time, to be able to blog more regularly and to even have dates with you again!

Wolfsberg gang- thank you for your commitment this summer and for seeing beyond my early moments of resentment!  Like I said when I was down there, it is SUCH an encouragement to have had you here, sharing and working toward a vision with you.  Even if you've felt your time here was limited or what you've come to do is "practically nothing", I assure you that you've had purpose and change has been set in motion because of your willing heart.  Thank you.  To you, especially who are not returning for a year commitment, I pray you're able to take something from Austria back to the States with you.  Your being here hasn't been only to serve, but also to be served.  May you experience that as truth.

Thank you everyone, again, for all of your support and encouragement this summer (this year)!  And, thank you for all your patience and understanding!  I value and love each of you!!

Covenant Friendship- Only an Introduction

Since we've all been slackers, and yes, I really do mean all of us in the blogging community... regardless of the excuse, new job, too much homework, a new baby, etc... we've been TERRIBLE... right, my main point, since we've all been slackers recently, I've decided to make a step in a more motivated direction! At least, for today I am... I'll probably go back to being a slacker in due time. :-)

It's funny how the Lord develops relationships. I had a number of friends (according to the American definition) before I moved over here. There were quite a few people I knew in the church and from other connections around Graz. During the first months, though, these relationships seemed non-existent, with the exception of very few. It was a trying time. It was a lonely time. I don't know what I've said on this topic before, so I could very be repeating myself, but I'm going to talk about it again anyway.
I am one week shy of having lived here for nine months, and now am I really feeling confident and comfortable in these relationships. I will talk about the cultural explanations for such struggles, but I don't blame only nationality for this time. I confess to having had my own deal of *crap* to get through with the Lord and this simply would not have been possible in a land plentiful of many friends. I also confess to having closed eyes for a season and thus, I confess to unintentionally hurting some of my Austrians along the way.
Austrian people are, as stereotyped, hard, cold, distant, and rude. Though not quite so as the German picture, they are disciplined and regimented. They are not at all anything like the Von Trapp family (aside from the occasional Lederhosen and Dirndl). So, no British accents, no driving on the left side of the road, no singing with every step through the market, no whistles, no Edelweis in English, etc. Right, back to my point.... Austrians, like the majority of Continental Europe, drive on the right side of the road. No, that still wasn't my point, but before anyone embarrassed themselves, I just wanted to bring some clarity. What WAS my point? Austrians as people.... This seemingly harsh surface is really only a surface. They aren't so hard and cold, they simply aren't small talkers (aside from the little old ladies living in Julia and Sula's apartment building). Getting to know any Austrian involves hurdles and hoops. It means proving yourself. It means inviting the Austrian over and over again until he or she finally says "yes" and allows you into their heart. It's tough work. It's exhausting and even discouraging if you're not used to such a repetition of what appears to be rejection. I was always told to "stick in there" and that Austrians are "friends for life." I can say, now, that I see what was meant by that. While the early steps of relationship with Austrians appears impossible, once an Austrians chooses to trust you, care about you, and love you as a friend, they will not let you go. They are covenant friends, only it takes them a while to choose to make the covenant.
Somehow, for me, this situation was different even still. There's another culture to be added to the equation- Kingdom Culture. Because the majority of the people I associate with are Christians, this concept of relationship is even a bit different. In this case, many of my developing relationships involved the struggle between Earth-bound culture and Heavenly Culture. It meant often, from both parties, letting go of familiar ways to approach a person and allowing the Lord's love make the statement for the friendship. This means a quick love and trust (at least to a certain level). This blessing of Kingdom culture allowed for open doors for prayer support and simple coffee dates. This allowed for meeting in the middle between American Small Talk and Austrian Walls. It meant willfully opening gates that would normally be closed and locked. It meant realizing a new level of trust in the Lord. And now, these relationships that have been growing in the last nine months are some of the most precious, closest, dearest relationships I've known.
Covenant friendship... ask the Spirit to show you what that means. For me, it means fighting on behalf of my brothers and sisters. It means standing in agreement to see them reach their potential. It means having fun playing tag on the Schlossberg. It means enchiladas, beer and a game of Oh Hell. It means crying, laughing, cheering, falling, rising, growing, praying, talking, dancing, working... loving... all in a way that represents the Gospel of Truth in a way that the world craves such a friendship.
For a long time, I've approached my friendships in this way- or at least I've tried. Once I let you into my heart, you're there perpetually. I think what's changed for me, though, is how I allow you there and what exactly I'll do with you once you're there.

I charge you with this examination- are your relationships something you can find in the World or are they something that the World finds attractively different?

The Denver Waltz

Here's a fun post we've all been waiting for!

LIfe in Austria is fun. Different, similar... but fun none the less. I really enjoy the adventure. At least, I'm learning more and more to really enjoy the adventure. Something that's been a mark of my character- thriving on change -has been seriously confronted and, I hope in the end, confirmed. I love being here. I really love being here. I can make no claim that it gets any easier with the passing days. Quite the opposite may very well be true. The longer I am here, the more I feel my heart deepening to this people and this place. Also, the longer I am here, the more I feel my heart deepening for the American people. It is interesting to see the Lord developing my heart for two very different places at the same time. I've never been such a patriot as I am now. I take that back- I'm really no more patriotic, but my heart to see the US changed and brought to life has really been established. It's a good feeling. That being said, I am still not sure yet when I will return to the States for "long term." My Visa currently allows me to stay in Austria until the end of October. At which point, I can either some how extend my Visa or return to America. I'm considering my options for grad school. I really want to attain my masters and I need to do that some time in the relatively near future (hopefully, before I forget the content from my undergrad career). This is something that weighs heavily into consideration for the next year. Of course, if I go "home" in October, I will probably spend the rest of the 2009-2010 school year working. I'd take that time frame to prepare necessary entry requirements. On the other hand, staying here is still appealing to me. I think that staying in Austria for a second year would best be accomplished through a Fulbright teaching assistantship. This would provide a higher income than I currently receive and would release me from University classes. We'll see what happens. I plan now to apply for the Fulbright position. Once I am accepted or declined, I can then make my official decision about staying. At least, that way I will have an option and by then, the Lord will give me clear direction of what I am supposed to do. Pray that I get on my game for this application process.

Now, about the events of my current life.

Christmas week was wonderful. I went to Parschlug with Julia to enjoy her family. We really had a great time. Christmas Eve was spent with a morning of relaxing. We had Fondue for dinner..mmm it was so good. Julia's dad prepared the homemade sauces for dipping and we devoured choice pork, beef, and turkey together. For sides, we had potato salad and a few other salads. After all was said and done, we all ate WAY too much. I'd do it again. :-) Christmas day was spent with Julia's extended family on her mother's side. It was a bit stressful but still good. This large family meal went much better for me than the last one I attended. Understanding the language better helps, being known by most of the relatives allows more room for a welcome, and also knowing the majority of relatives makes it easier to know what to expect. The after wore us all out. We watched Prince Caspian together when we got back to Julia's parent's house. This was the perfect way to unwind. On the 26th, we travelled to Julia's aunt and uncle on her father's side of the family. While most of the family spent the morning skiing, Julia, her mom, Joy, and I went for a nice walk.

Saturday evening, two of three American visitors arrived! Steph and Hannah came directly to Graz from the States and Jess arrived in Vienna from Barcelona. Sunday, we retrieved Jess from the train station in Bruck and then headed to the Grüner See for a walk and fresh mountain air. Julia's parents fed us a large, delicious lunch (as always) of schnitzel and rice. We returned to Graz after allowing time for Julia's parents to bless each of the three visitors. Monday we hung out in Graz. I met Julia and the girls in the early afternoon for Running Sushi (yummy) and we enjoyed a walk/mini tour of the Schlossberg and parts of the downtown area from Regine. This tour was interrupted by a coffee break at the Sky Bar. When we were nearly ice cubes, we returned home. Tuesday we went to a Thermalbad (HOT SPRINGS!) for a girls day relaxing. There were 7 of us total (4 americans, Julia, Doris, and a friend of Doris') Aside from Steph having some sort of 24-hour bug, it was an indescribable day. We were all well relaxed by the time we left. We returned to Graz and shared a nice meal together on BLAST Hill (where Julia stayed with the 3 girls) and watched the movie Luther. Wednesday, Julia dropped the girls downtown to do some shopping. I met them in mid-afternoon when we went to Stefan's apartment for warmth. We had already planned to meet at Stefan's for a nice dinner and hanging out with the house group. We had a lot of fun celebrating New Year's Eve. We made browning and chocolate chip cookies for dessert from our chili con carne. After dinner, we played a game called Activity Code. After an interrupted time of free worship, we decided to go downtown. We brought in the New Year with Glühwein and a terrible band followed by a terrible DJ. The tradition in Austria is to dance the waltz at midnight.  Of course, a waltz was played.  What was most interesting, however, was the song AFTER the waltz was John Denver's Country Roads.  I'm convinced the DJ heard rumor of a group of Americans celebrating with them.  After Country Roads, we had our toast and then moved into the thick of the crowd and had a great time dancing and just being silly. It was a great way to spend my first Austrian New Year's Eve! Today, Julia took the girls to Vienna as they fly to Barcelona tomorrow. Saying goodbye made me sad and left me feeling a bit lost, but still good. I am so glad to have been blessed with time with these girls. It was great to re-establish a relationship with Steph and to get to know the other two girls.

I am now trying to iron out plans to go to the Munich area for the weekend. I was planning to go to Zagreb but that didn't work out. Since I was already planning a weekend out of town, I thought I'd try to visit Rodrigue and Helen while I can. Hopefully, we figure out the train schedule and find me a great cheap option to travel to them. If I find it's expensive, then I'll be here for the weekend, but I really hope to be able to see them.

Here are some pictures from our day-after-Christmas-walk and from our New Year's Eve game time! Enjoy!  For more of my pictures check out the album here on facebook.  For Suky's addition pictures from New Years, check this link.

They clearly weren't very impressed by the rules.

These two were quick couch buddies!

We (plus Andi) made for the BEST team (WE WON)!!

Wanna be Just Like You.....

The God we serve astonishes me with His graceful power. A revelation of who I am poured over me throughout the last week. I felt lost and desperate, not knowing where to turn for someone to simply understand. Wisdom and words of comfort were of no use. I needed someone to sit with me (Job 2:11-13) and recognize my suffering. I sought the Lord hour after hour for such assuagement. Speaking Psalm 116:7 to my soul, He brought peace to my weary heart. As I allowed Him to humble me, He taught me more intimately about His heart. When time came for me to emerge from the supernatural and spend time with people, I felt my soul quickly running back into a place of hiding. Again, desperation fell on me. So, I sought the Lord and cried to Him a plea for deliverance. I begged Him for a merciful revelation of how to level my emotions. His response was that which I had been avoiding, "Be vulnerable with me..." I told Him very pointedly, "No, not here. Not with these people I don't even know if I can trust." "You trust me?" He left me silent. Within moments, tears fell from my eyes. I did not just cry, but I wept. In time, the Lord settled me down again. At this point, I knew only to do what Cle would tell me to do- drink some tea and read my Bible till I feel safe again. I did that. While it worked for the brief moments I allowed, my sweet Jesus brought me to a safe place to be vulnerable . . . again. This time, as a child.

While on a walk tonight, the Lord spoke to me about this time being my Esther year. This excites me! He brought me to this song by Jason Upton. I've heard it many times, but tonight it spoke through me on a different level.
Just Like You
I tried to walk on the water and found myself under the sea
So with water up my nose I felt your hand come close to save me
I’ve tried to cast out the demons I’ve gone to the darkest of regions
When fear has me shaking you suddenly break in to save me

I desire
To be like you
Like any son or daughter
I want to be like my Father
I desire to be like you
You promised to never forsake me
So I’ll risk it all if you’ll make me like You

You stand beside me just waiting while I try to go it alone
Smiling You say son come here won’t you let me just help you
But frustrated I try to make it cause I’ve just got something to prove
Not knowing it is my weakness that perfects your power