An Attitude of Gratitude

Thank YOU, my precious ones, for not getting too annoyed with me this past.... year.  You, my faithful readers, friends, supporters, and family, have aided the wind beneath my wings.  It has been all too long since I've provided a decent update for you, so let me see if I can do justice to the neglect.

As the summer began, I posted a calendar of what was to come.  And, those events have all come and gone... among many other things.  The summer has FLOWN by and will soon be tucked under a blanket of fall colors and autumnal winds until next June.  

The events of this summer have brought great amounts of growth and stretching.  My faith has been tested from one day to the next.  How so?  In simple, daily living.  Last year, the faith was tested in great obvious ways- visa, housing, school, relationships.  This summer, my [faith] has been further established in the small details of who Cree is.  Peace has become something that I will to experience and exhibit, rather than anticipate appearing.  Love has become my hiding place.  

It's been a summer of gifts.  Since my birthday in May, it's just been one sweet, honoring gift after another.  Some examples include a new passion, restored vision, encouragement when least expected, financial blessings, new songs, ministry partners, and a new sense of easiness.  I got a good coffee date with Daddy Steve in the middle of June.  Hallelujah for that coffee date.  He and I talked through so many things going on around us and how to move forward.  It was refreshing to talk to an American dad face-to-face and get some sound fatherly input.  While I have great elders here, there are so many little cultural things that really make a big difference when seeking advice.  It was then that I was most at odds about whether or not to stay another year... and HOW to stay another year.  Steve is obviously partial to young people moving to Austria, but he provided such an objective perspective about all the details (staying or leaving).  Exactly three days later, I finally made my heart and mind decision to STAY, as a student.

It has been a summer of fun.  Once work and school ended for the year, I was able to breathe a little and jump fully into the ministry.  A team from America (PA) came over at the end of June/beginning of July to help with our summer camp and many to stay for 3 months.  I have to admit, when they first arrived, it was too much for me.  At that first camp meeting with everyone, I thought I would explode.  SO MUCH AMERICAN CULTURE AND AMERICAN ENGLISH IN ONE ROOM!  I feel I can say this without offending any of them (you)- I didn't want anything to do with them (you), at first.  I was FINALLY confident in being here and then they (you) come and screw it all up!  When I arrived at the Brauhaus, I was polite and reluctantly introduced myself, but it wasn't until the end of the night that I really decided I was genuinely happy to have them (you) there.  Sorry, to all of you!  Then, the fun really began.  These guys fall into the category of gifts and fun from this summer.  I realized how much I missed little things about the American culture and language.  Even more, though, this is a great group of solid people.  Friendships grew from within this group that I wasn't expecting- thanks for seeing past my stubbornness! 

Some fun events from the last month: lots of ice cream, Kirsch's visit, hiking in Eisenerz, swimming, a weekend in Wolfsberg, Smor-ba-que with house group and the J-team (practically the A-team, but cooler).  Now that the PA team has begun to leave, I'm sad to see them go.  My heart is thrilled to know many will come back for long term, but the others- I look forward to seeing you again eventually... even if it means a trip to Harrisburg the next time I'm State-bound!! 

It's been a summer of productivity.  I won't write too many details here, because it is boring.  But, many tasks have been completed for Blast, other ministries, and for me personally.  I am applying NOW for my visa extension.  It seems the little details are coming together and I will be able to submit my application the week of the 14th!!  I'll keep you posted.  This year here will be different from the last year and soon, I will be writing a more specific letter about what that entails.  A sneak peak- I won't be working regularly this year, as I did last year.  This will allow increased freedom in my schedule to do more of what I am actually here to do in ministry, but requires a greater faith and support in finances.  We'll talk about that at another time, though.

I've missed all of you and I've missed blogging.  In the next few weeks, routine will re-enter my life.  I am hoping, that at that time, to be able to blog more regularly and to even have dates with you again!

Wolfsberg gang- thank you for your commitment this summer and for seeing beyond my early moments of resentment!  Like I said when I was down there, it is SUCH an encouragement to have had you here, sharing and working toward a vision with you.  Even if you've felt your time here was limited or what you've come to do is "practically nothing", I assure you that you've had purpose and change has been set in motion because of your willing heart.  Thank you.  To you, especially who are not returning for a year commitment, I pray you're able to take something from Austria back to the States with you.  Your being here hasn't been only to serve, but also to be served.  May you experience that as truth.

Thank you everyone, again, for all of your support and encouragement this summer (this year)!  And, thank you for all your patience and understanding!  I value and love each of you!!

Congrats, Mr. and Mrs. Williams!

There are a lot of things I've had to sacrifice since moving here.  Culture... language... job... relationships... comfort... familiarity... and so on.  One of the most difficult things to continually sacrifice, is being a consistent part of the lives of my friends and family.  The Rock Solid Pebbles are all growing up (quickly and gorgeously, I might add)... the KIDS from RS are growing up and graduating [Congrats, Kels and Steph (and all the others)!]... and the recent, most difficult sacrifice- weddings.  

Justin and Debbie married on Saturday 20.6.  Since I couldn't be AT the wedding, here's my blog tribute to this awesome couple.

This is a relationship I've seen go through the races and come out strong.  Their continual battle to keep Christ centered in their relationship is inspiring.  They stand together in the natural and supernatural, supporting one another with the greatest strength the Lord can provide.  They go into battle zones together and they go into the tent of David to worship together.  They love their friends unconditionally, together.  At times, I have advised them both to be "less serious" about some things... but their "seriousness" was only a quest for purity and true light between them.  Worshipful obedience is at the core of this relationship.  When the Lord told them to separate for a time, they painfully did so.  When Deb went to Sudan and Justin to Texas, they  clung to the cross in their relationship and persevered.  When they were together at UNL, they re-learned how to relate face-to-face with one another.  They learned how to accept change and growth in one another.  They learned how to encourage continued change and growth.  When the time came to separate again, they both were willing to sacrifice their own dreams and visions for the sake of the Kingdom.  Upon reuniting (again), they grew together in a new territory- where they could learn to manage life together within a new church family, a new ministry environment, and with a different type of spiritual support from their loved ones.

I have had the honor to know both Debbie and Justin as a couple and as individuals.  

With Deb, a relationship that began as a student-leader discipleship quickly became a very close, best-friendship, sisterhood.  She is one of the most reliable persons I know (even if she is running/thinking on African time).  She is disciplined, discerning, and growing more accurate in both.  She is a joy.  

With Justin, he started as "Debbie's shy boyfriend" who became one of the greatest, strongest, most courageous of my mighty men.  He always took everything I could offer and ran to the throne room with it to get more from God directly.  He is dependable, loyal, firm, and wise.  He is... crazy.

Their gentleness, humility, and willingness before the Lord is encouraging.  We've spent many nights praying, worshiping, sitting, crying, laughing, and exercising together.  I trust them both with my life and my crayons.  Aside from all the serious details- they are both fun.  Their adventurous flair compliments one another like coffee and cake.  Some of my most enjoyable, most embarrassing, most HILARIOUS memories are shared with this couple.  Some of my deepest, most rewarding/encouraging, and even most painful memories are shared with this couple.

Mr. Justin LeRoy and Mrs. Deborah Sue Williams- I love you.  You're two of the greatest and it is an honor to share in this carnal life with you.  I look forward to more memories - supernatural highs, circumstantial lows, fun, and crazy (I was crazy once...) memories.  When we meet face-to-face again, we'll share a toast with Asti and a glass of beer!  

Covenant Friendship- Only an Introduction

Since we've all been slackers, and yes, I really do mean all of us in the blogging community... regardless of the excuse, new job, too much homework, a new baby, etc... we've been TERRIBLE... right, my main point, since we've all been slackers recently, I've decided to make a step in a more motivated direction! At least, for today I am... I'll probably go back to being a slacker in due time. :-)

It's funny how the Lord develops relationships. I had a number of friends (according to the American definition) before I moved over here. There were quite a few people I knew in the church and from other connections around Graz. During the first months, though, these relationships seemed non-existent, with the exception of very few. It was a trying time. It was a lonely time. I don't know what I've said on this topic before, so I could very be repeating myself, but I'm going to talk about it again anyway.
I am one week shy of having lived here for nine months, and now am I really feeling confident and comfortable in these relationships. I will talk about the cultural explanations for such struggles, but I don't blame only nationality for this time. I confess to having had my own deal of *crap* to get through with the Lord and this simply would not have been possible in a land plentiful of many friends. I also confess to having closed eyes for a season and thus, I confess to unintentionally hurting some of my Austrians along the way.
Austrian people are, as stereotyped, hard, cold, distant, and rude. Though not quite so as the German picture, they are disciplined and regimented. They are not at all anything like the Von Trapp family (aside from the occasional Lederhosen and Dirndl). So, no British accents, no driving on the left side of the road, no singing with every step through the market, no whistles, no Edelweis in English, etc. Right, back to my point.... Austrians, like the majority of Continental Europe, drive on the right side of the road. No, that still wasn't my point, but before anyone embarrassed themselves, I just wanted to bring some clarity. What WAS my point? Austrians as people.... This seemingly harsh surface is really only a surface. They aren't so hard and cold, they simply aren't small talkers (aside from the little old ladies living in Julia and Sula's apartment building). Getting to know any Austrian involves hurdles and hoops. It means proving yourself. It means inviting the Austrian over and over again until he or she finally says "yes" and allows you into their heart. It's tough work. It's exhausting and even discouraging if you're not used to such a repetition of what appears to be rejection. I was always told to "stick in there" and that Austrians are "friends for life." I can say, now, that I see what was meant by that. While the early steps of relationship with Austrians appears impossible, once an Austrians chooses to trust you, care about you, and love you as a friend, they will not let you go. They are covenant friends, only it takes them a while to choose to make the covenant.
Somehow, for me, this situation was different even still. There's another culture to be added to the equation- Kingdom Culture. Because the majority of the people I associate with are Christians, this concept of relationship is even a bit different. In this case, many of my developing relationships involved the struggle between Earth-bound culture and Heavenly Culture. It meant often, from both parties, letting go of familiar ways to approach a person and allowing the Lord's love make the statement for the friendship. This means a quick love and trust (at least to a certain level). This blessing of Kingdom culture allowed for open doors for prayer support and simple coffee dates. This allowed for meeting in the middle between American Small Talk and Austrian Walls. It meant willfully opening gates that would normally be closed and locked. It meant realizing a new level of trust in the Lord. And now, these relationships that have been growing in the last nine months are some of the most precious, closest, dearest relationships I've known.
Covenant friendship... ask the Spirit to show you what that means. For me, it means fighting on behalf of my brothers and sisters. It means standing in agreement to see them reach their potential. It means having fun playing tag on the Schlossberg. It means enchiladas, beer and a game of Oh Hell. It means crying, laughing, cheering, falling, rising, growing, praying, talking, dancing, working... loving... all in a way that represents the Gospel of Truth in a way that the world craves such a friendship.
For a long time, I've approached my friendships in this way- or at least I've tried. Once I let you into my heart, you're there perpetually. I think what's changed for me, though, is how I allow you there and what exactly I'll do with you once you're there.

I charge you with this examination- are your relationships something you can find in the World or are they something that the World finds attractively different?

The Denver Waltz

Here's a fun post we've all been waiting for!

LIfe in Austria is fun. Different, similar... but fun none the less. I really enjoy the adventure. At least, I'm learning more and more to really enjoy the adventure. Something that's been a mark of my character- thriving on change -has been seriously confronted and, I hope in the end, confirmed. I love being here. I really love being here. I can make no claim that it gets any easier with the passing days. Quite the opposite may very well be true. The longer I am here, the more I feel my heart deepening to this people and this place. Also, the longer I am here, the more I feel my heart deepening for the American people. It is interesting to see the Lord developing my heart for two very different places at the same time. I've never been such a patriot as I am now. I take that back- I'm really no more patriotic, but my heart to see the US changed and brought to life has really been established. It's a good feeling. That being said, I am still not sure yet when I will return to the States for "long term." My Visa currently allows me to stay in Austria until the end of October. At which point, I can either some how extend my Visa or return to America. I'm considering my options for grad school. I really want to attain my masters and I need to do that some time in the relatively near future (hopefully, before I forget the content from my undergrad career). This is something that weighs heavily into consideration for the next year. Of course, if I go "home" in October, I will probably spend the rest of the 2009-2010 school year working. I'd take that time frame to prepare necessary entry requirements. On the other hand, staying here is still appealing to me. I think that staying in Austria for a second year would best be accomplished through a Fulbright teaching assistantship. This would provide a higher income than I currently receive and would release me from University classes. We'll see what happens. I plan now to apply for the Fulbright position. Once I am accepted or declined, I can then make my official decision about staying. At least, that way I will have an option and by then, the Lord will give me clear direction of what I am supposed to do. Pray that I get on my game for this application process.

Now, about the events of my current life.

Christmas week was wonderful. I went to Parschlug with Julia to enjoy her family. We really had a great time. Christmas Eve was spent with a morning of relaxing. We had Fondue for dinner..mmm it was so good. Julia's dad prepared the homemade sauces for dipping and we devoured choice pork, beef, and turkey together. For sides, we had potato salad and a few other salads. After all was said and done, we all ate WAY too much. I'd do it again. :-) Christmas day was spent with Julia's extended family on her mother's side. It was a bit stressful but still good. This large family meal went much better for me than the last one I attended. Understanding the language better helps, being known by most of the relatives allows more room for a welcome, and also knowing the majority of relatives makes it easier to know what to expect. The after wore us all out. We watched Prince Caspian together when we got back to Julia's parent's house. This was the perfect way to unwind. On the 26th, we travelled to Julia's aunt and uncle on her father's side of the family. While most of the family spent the morning skiing, Julia, her mom, Joy, and I went for a nice walk.

Saturday evening, two of three American visitors arrived! Steph and Hannah came directly to Graz from the States and Jess arrived in Vienna from Barcelona. Sunday, we retrieved Jess from the train station in Bruck and then headed to the Grüner See for a walk and fresh mountain air. Julia's parents fed us a large, delicious lunch (as always) of schnitzel and rice. We returned to Graz after allowing time for Julia's parents to bless each of the three visitors. Monday we hung out in Graz. I met Julia and the girls in the early afternoon for Running Sushi (yummy) and we enjoyed a walk/mini tour of the Schlossberg and parts of the downtown area from Regine. This tour was interrupted by a coffee break at the Sky Bar. When we were nearly ice cubes, we returned home. Tuesday we went to a Thermalbad (HOT SPRINGS!) for a girls day relaxing. There were 7 of us total (4 americans, Julia, Doris, and a friend of Doris') Aside from Steph having some sort of 24-hour bug, it was an indescribable day. We were all well relaxed by the time we left. We returned to Graz and shared a nice meal together on BLAST Hill (where Julia stayed with the 3 girls) and watched the movie Luther. Wednesday, Julia dropped the girls downtown to do some shopping. I met them in mid-afternoon when we went to Stefan's apartment for warmth. We had already planned to meet at Stefan's for a nice dinner and hanging out with the house group. We had a lot of fun celebrating New Year's Eve. We made browning and chocolate chip cookies for dessert from our chili con carne. After dinner, we played a game called Activity Code. After an interrupted time of free worship, we decided to go downtown. We brought in the New Year with Glühwein and a terrible band followed by a terrible DJ. The tradition in Austria is to dance the waltz at midnight.  Of course, a waltz was played.  What was most interesting, however, was the song AFTER the waltz was John Denver's Country Roads.  I'm convinced the DJ heard rumor of a group of Americans celebrating with them.  After Country Roads, we had our toast and then moved into the thick of the crowd and had a great time dancing and just being silly. It was a great way to spend my first Austrian New Year's Eve! Today, Julia took the girls to Vienna as they fly to Barcelona tomorrow. Saying goodbye made me sad and left me feeling a bit lost, but still good. I am so glad to have been blessed with time with these girls. It was great to re-establish a relationship with Steph and to get to know the other two girls.

I am now trying to iron out plans to go to the Munich area for the weekend. I was planning to go to Zagreb but that didn't work out. Since I was already planning a weekend out of town, I thought I'd try to visit Rodrigue and Helen while I can. Hopefully, we figure out the train schedule and find me a great cheap option to travel to them. If I find it's expensive, then I'll be here for the weekend, but I really hope to be able to see them.

Here are some pictures from our day-after-Christmas-walk and from our New Year's Eve game time! Enjoy!  For more of my pictures check out the album here on facebook.  For Suky's addition pictures from New Years, check this link.

They clearly weren't very impressed by the rules.

These two were quick couch buddies!

We (plus Andi) made for the BEST team (WE WON)!!

Redeeming Grace and Nurturing Glory

Two ingredients the Lord has been stirring into my heart.  

I feel like a pancake batter being turned into crepes (yes, just for you Jason!).  It's like my batter has the lumps in it that any good pancake chef knows are necessary for the PERFECT pancake consistency.  The lumps needn't be stirred out and they must also not be too large.  They are precisely what is required for a pancake breakfast.  Crepes, on the other hand (or in the other griddle), require the batter is completely beaten until smooth.  The ingredients between the basic pancake and the basic crepe are the same, though the latter calls for more sugar.  This mixing process; rather, the beating process, is what makes the difference in texture.  

The Lord is beating some of these lumps out of me.  Some of the lumps are little and some bigger, but He is carefully stirring through, making sure He touches each lump.  Some of the lumps were things that were "okay" or "good" for the last years.  These were things that were even necessary for what the Lord had for me in the past.  As I said, they were good things.  Now, though, He needs something slightly different.  He still wants me, Cree, with the taste He intended.  He still wants Cree for the ideas He has purposed.  It's just time for a new look and a new feel.  It is time for New Life.  Just as Sulamit has been praying, there will also be a new sweetness in me as a crepe.  

So how does breakfast/dessert relate to "redeeming grace and nurturing glory"?  The redeeming grace seems to speak for itself.  The grace of the Lord is so great that He desires to transform me from one shape to the next.  He makes me new.  Isn't it amazing how the mercies and love of the Father are new each day?  How each day we are being transformed into something new?  Yeah yeah yeah...anyway... about the nurturing glory.  As the Lord takes us into new things and changes us, the question is often, "okay, God, so how do I do this?  How do I be this new thing?"  His response is simple- a willing heart and time in His presence.  His glory is such that none can stand.  Being face to face with the god of the universe; hand in hand with the savior to all mankind, is what nurtures and fosters this change.  Yes, I (we) need to make the deliberate decision to allow this change and to step into this change, but we do that best by being the midst of the Lord.  Yeah yeah, "read my Bible and pray."  NO!  Make your way into the throne room, sit on the King's lap and let Him bathe you with His glory.  Never been to the throne room?  Don't even know what that means?  Ask me for more detail in a more personal setting (ahem, email).  Or, simply ask the Holy Spirit what this means and tell Him that though you don't understand where or what this is, you are willing to learn.  I can assure you He will begin to take you there.  And when He does, buckle your seat belt, it is going to be an indescribably adventurous ride.  

The summation::

I am doing alright.  I am aching, hurting, learning and growing.  But, I am okay.  I am situated... excuse me, situating myself into a new seat of trust.  I've lost it all and I am losing more.  It's a great time!